Sarah with her husband
After: Sarah with Tyler
In The Beginning . . .
"Sometime in life you will go on
a journey. It will be the longest journey you have ever taken. It is the journey to find
Its hard to say how it all began. The spiral downward and the climb back out. At some point in my life, through a series of heartaches and heartbreaks and bad choices and unfortunate circumstances, I lost control and lost myself. Ive reached the point where I dont want to blame anyone in particular for what I became, because I understand that in the end it was my life to take control of and live as I saw fit.
At times I was bullemic; at times I just
overate. I almost never exercised. Over the years, I lost weight and gained weight
with yo-yo dieting. My weight soared. In 1994, my weight had reached a high of over 400
pounds. Although I am a tall woman at
59, that is more weight than any body can carry.
At times I was bullemic; at times I just overate. I almost never exercised. Over the years, I lost weight and gained weight with yo-yo dieting. My weight soared. In 1994, my weight had reached a high of over 400 pounds. Although I am a tall woman at 59, that is more weight than any body can carry.
I was unhappy and unhealthy. I was the subject of stares and ridicule. I couldnt climb up a flight of stairs without becoming winded. Although I had always loved to travel, I could not fit in a single plane seat. I was afraid to go out alone anywhere, because I knew people would stare at me and laugh. They whispered behind my back. I didnt want to buy groceries or go to a restaurant, because people would always look and I knew what they were thinking, What is she eating? What is she buying? You dont need any more food.
The more unhappy I became, the more I used food to comfort me and my weight to protect me from other people. Food created a wall around me, both literally and figuratively, and the wall created a barricade around my emotions. Although I was terribly lonely, I didnt want anyone to touch me or my emotions.
I believe there is a sick cycle that people with all types of eating disorders face: the thing which is causing you the most pain is the thing which you cling to for comfort, because it gives you an instant sensory gratification. You live for the instant gratification and ignore the long-term consequences.
That was my life before. Thats enough about the trip down. The important part of my story is about the climb out and where it has led me.
Story] [2013 Update] [2007 Update] [2004 Update]